by Catherine Malchaire
Why do some coaches struggle to take off their coaching hat, even in private?
It’s happened to me several times at networking events when I meet coaches. Generally, they have a great energy and it turns into a wonderful human connection. So why spoil that by offering unsolicited feedback?
Let me give you an example. I meet Marie (not her real name) at an event. I find her radiant, open. I’m curious to get to know her and I’m enjoying our conversation. I share some of my struggles with a family member, and that’s when I feel her energy shift. We’re no longer having an exchange. She slips into a therapist’s posture and starts questioning me about this relationship, reflecting back what she’s hearing.
Her feedback was accurate, certainly helpful, and I could feel her genuine care. The thing is, in that moment, I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to work on that relationship. It was not the right time nor the right place. So I quickly changed the subject, and I was relieved when someone else jumped into our conversation.
If I run into Marie again, it will be a pleasure to see her and at the same time, I’ll probably keep my guard up. I won’t share much of a personal nature with her again.
Honestly, I’m really curious to understand this behaviour in some coaches and therapists. I think if we ever meet again, it would make a great topic of conversation. In any case, there’s no risk of unsolicited coaching from me. I love meeting people and getting to know them too much to change that dynamic.
What about you? Have you ever been coached without your consent?