What??? 👀
It’s clear. I’m like most. Fighting is not fun to me. I welcome them because I know conflicts are important in all relationships, whether personal or professional.
But why?
✔️Because it is through disagreements, through the sharing of different perspectives, through the confrontation of viewpoints that we can make the best decisions. Indeed, if it’s always the same people sharing their opinions, we only get part of the picture. It’s like a puzzle with missing pieces.
✔️Because it’s easier to follow a decision if we’ve had a chance to give our opinion and to hear others’ points of view. Example: Marc says we should sell ice tea because it’s festive. Marie suggests hot, sweet tea because it’s winter and it’s cold. The solution won’t be to make lukewarm tea as a compromise. That won’t work. The team can collectively decide (or the manager will decide) to make hot tea because, in the midst of flu season, that’s what will work best. If the debate has taken place, there’s a good chance Marc will order a pot of honey rather than ice cubes.
✔️Because misunderstandings and relational problems that are ignored only get worse. Over time, we reach a point of no return, and it becomes impossible to work together. It’s important to be able to tell your colleague that you’re not okay with certain behaviors and that it puts you on edge.
✔️Because when you don’t say that something doesn’t suit you, you enter into over-adaptation and exhaust yourself. The pressure increases. The mental load becomes too great. Others annoy you. You become irritable. Hello, burnout.
So, how can you have ‘good fights’?
✔️The first condition is to trust each other in the team as explained in Lencioni’s model. Without trust, there can be no constructive arguments.
✔️Don’t keep anything to yourself while remaining constructive. If there’s something bothering you, a point of view you want to share, it’s important to say it. Above all, don’t keep something to yourself for fear of offending or of the other person’s reaction. That said, it’s better to avoid personal attacks. And if your words go too far, find the courage to apologize and take responsibility.
✔️Pay attention to the frequency and intensity of confrontations. Some will be comfortable with very heated confrontations, while others will need them not to exceed a certain level of intensity. Some are comfortable with frequent debates, while others will become exhausted if it happens too often.
To all HR and managers, encourage constructive conflicts! They are necessary for your organization!